


Do What All The Smart Dogs Do

by emilystopflying



Category: One Direction (Band), Radio 1 RPF
Genre: Fluff, M/M, dog!harry, dog!liam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-14
Updated: 2014-07-14
Packaged: 2018-02-08 21:43:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1957131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emilystopflying/pseuds/emilystopflying
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis and Nick both have dogs. Their dogs <em>really</em> like each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Do What All The Smart Dogs Do

**Author's Note:**

  * For [usernicole](https://archiveofourown.org/users/usernicole/gifts).



> Filling this wonderful prompt "101 DALMATIANS AU. details up to the writer. (are they both dogs? is it a fic told from Puppy's pov? is it just normal nick and louis with like A MILLION PUPPIES? who's cruella? idk i just want puppies)(BUT PLEASE NO PET PLAY)"
> 
> I have never had a dog, never plan to have a dog and don't know much about dogs. Sorry for the subsequent inaccuracy.
> 
> It has been pointed out to me that this fic could be interpreted as transphobic. Animals cannot be trans because they don't have genders. If they did, they wouldn't be able to tell us what gender they were. Essentially, people shouldn't ascribe genders to animals. Don't take this fic as any sort of representation of trans people, because it's not.

Contrary to popular (Niall's) belief, Louis has a life outside of Liam. He's not like the male, canine, twenty-something version of a crazy cat lady. He goes to the pub with Niall, he has a job he likes well enough even if he's not a rock star, he talks to his mum an amount that would be embarrassing if he was the type to get embarrassed and he plays footy with Stan. It's just that Liam is an amazing dog, and is probably Louis' best friend other than Niall (maybe including Niall), and he's adorable, and loyal, and doesn't get annoyed when Louis leaves his shit everywhere and doesn't judge him for drinking more tea than actual water. Everyone should have a dalmatian as their best friend, Louis would definitely recommend it. Also fetch. Louis never realized how great fetch was until he got Liam, who is quite probably addicted to fetch as much as a dalmatian could be addicted to anything.  
  
Which is what brought Louis to the park. Before Liam, Louis came to the park once in a blue moon when the rec center was closed and his team needed somewhere else to play. Now Louis could give a rundown of the top ten parks in a half hour radius of his house, complete with information about what features in which parks are good for which dog games. This particular park had a lake that was  entirely perfect for chasing ducks. So when another, far less graceful than Liam, dalmatian ran into Louis and knocked him clean over Louis assumed that's what it was doing. Unfortunately, it knocked him over into the lake, and in a desperate grab for stability Louis pulled someone in with him. Someone who was much taller than Louis and ended up completely soaked lying on top of him.  


"Harry you complete and utter bell end, when you push people into the lake, I'm not supposed to go with them," the guy said, after he had finished coughing and spluttering far more dramatically than surely was necessary.  
  
"Wait, that's _your_ dog?" Louis yelled. Twat. He obviously needed to train it better, preferably starting with how to not knock over innocent bystanders in the park 101.  
  
"Yeah, sorry about that mate," the guy said, already hoisting himself out of the water, "but if it makes you feel better, I'm just as wet as you right now."  
  
"No, it doesn't actually make me feel any better _mate_ , your stupid dog just completely soaked me."  
  
"Well in Harry's, and my, defence he's never made someone fall over before, normally they just stumble a bit. It's hardly my fault you're so tiny."  
  
Louis was outraged. "Well it's hardly _my_ fault that your dog is clumsy as shit," he said while scrambling up the side of the lake. He didn't know how the other guy did it so easily. "Liam would never push someone into a lake. In fact he'd probably jump into a lake to save a baby."  
  
Louis turned to Liam then to prove how serious and well meaning he was and how good he'd be as a rescue dog. As a gesture, it was slightly undermined by the fact that Liam was _canoodling_ with Harry. Up till then, Louis hadn't known dalmatians could canoodle but it was really the only way to describe it. And it would have been adorable, was Louis not sodden right down to his pants and being called short by a veritable giant.  
  
A giant who seemed mostly amused about their dogs newfound closeness. "Look, I really am sorry about Harry tipping you in like that," he said, "but my flat is just off the side there if you want to come dry off. Let those two get closer aquatinted, somewhere there are no children present."  
  
Louis was actually kind of shocked at how forward the guy was. He could be an axe murderer. _Louis_ could be an axe murderer. They could both murder people with much more conventional weapons than axes. He didn't know what this guy's business was, inviting random people to his house. And well, normally Louis didn't go home with strangers he met in the park, especially not ones whose dogs knocked him into a lake and acted as if it wasn't their fault, no matter how nice their faces might be or how long their legs. But, it was 20 minutes on the tube back to Louis', and he didn't really fancy doing that while wet. And Liam really seemed to like Harry.  
  
"Sure, why not, I'm fucking drenched," he said, and then after a pause, "I'm Louis by the way."  
  
"Nick."  
  
"I would say nice to meet you then Nick, my mum raised me right, but in all honesty it hasn't actually been very nice."  
  
Nick sniggered at that, before he said "Well Louis, under different circumstances maybe it would have been." Which definitely sounded like flirting to Louis. Which was fantastically cheeky of him, considering they weren't under different circumstances and probably was largely to do with the way Louis' jeans were clinging to his arse.  
  
~  
  
Nick's flat was actually surprisingly tasteful. Based on the ridiculous hipster glasses and skinny jeans he was wearing, Louis expected it to be filled with furniture someone had sold cheaply after their grandma died and the paisley print brought back too many memories. Louis could see one cushion with a suspiciously wallpapery cover, and that was the extent of it.   
  
"Harry, stop humping Louis' poor dog," Nick scolded loudly, interrupting Louis from inspecting his interior decorating skills. They were definitely going at it a bit more ferociously than in the park, so at least they had some sense of decorum.  
  
"Liam," Louis said, "his name's Liam. And to be honest it doesn't really look like he minds."  
  
"Liam? What kind of a name is Liam for a dalmatian?" Nick had the audacity to ask, which -   
  
"Your dog's name is _Harry_ , like you can talk!"  
  
Nick at least looked a bit ashamed. "Yeah, I thought it'd make him seem more like a friend and less like a pet." Which was something Louis could respect. It may have been the reason he went for Liam as a name. "Harry's better than _Liam_ though. When has a Liam ever done something impressive. I've got Harry Potter on my side at least. He was fairly decent." And just like that, Louis' opinion of Nick dropped again.  
  
"And fictional!" Louis yelled, "and anyway there are plenty of impressive Liams. There's Liam Neeson, Liam Gallagher, Liam Hemsworth. He's well fit."  
  
"I'm pretty sure Harry thinks your Liam is well fit," Nick chuckled. Louis looked over at the dogs. It seemed they had moved on from the humping to full on doggy style.   
  
"He obviously has good taste," Louis said, "if appalling motor skills."  
  
"He's a dog and motor skills are overrated," Nick said, "and wait here I'll get you a towel."  
  
By the time Nick and Louis had both thoroughly dried off, Harry and Liam had stopped going at it and had moved on to curling up next to each other on the wallpaper cushion. The dog version of pillow talk if you will. "I feel kind of bad to split them up," Louis said, "Liam doesn't really have too many same species friends."  
  
"Well, do you want to bring him back round on say, Wednesday?" Nick asked, looking the slightest bit hesitant. "Have a proper play date like we're proper parents." Forwardness was apparently his thing.  
  
Which was how Louis ended up not only going to the house of the guy who he pulled into a lake, but getting his number and making plans to go back to the house.  
  
~  
  
After that Nick and Harry became a kind of fixture in Louis and Liam's lives, as much as going to the pub with Niall and calling his mum over tea and hob nobs were. Nick even had a garden in his flat, the posh twat, so they didn't need to meet up at the park. He and Louis could stay inside and argue about the merits of different X Factor contestants while Liam and Harry ran around in the yard and did other doggy things. Louis tried not to think about what those other doggy things might entail too much, and this way it was less likely either of them would end up in a lake. Although Nick's garden did have a fish pond for some reason Louis hadn't worked out yet. He didn't even think Nick had any fish.  
  
Nick was mostly alright Louis had decided, even if he was still astonishingly knobbish and Harry still tripped over everything in sight and was barely trained at all. He was excellent at gossiping, made fantastic tea that he refused to tell Louis where he bought, was sometimes attractive and Louis would reluctantly admit that he was incredibly funny. Maybe even as funny as Louis. However, he was in a constant campaign to seem like a better dog owner than Louis. Which he clearly wasn't, but Nick was having none of it. It was really very annoying.  
  
"Blimey Lou, what're you feeding Liam? He's looking pretty porky."  
  
"What! No he's not, he's perfect."  
  
"I didn't say he wasn't, just that he's rather larger than last time I saw him. Do you want to know what brand I give Harry? He seems to love it."  
  
"What, organic is it? Made with flaxseed? Packaged in hemp? No wonder he's skinny as fuck."  
  
"Please, if I can't stick to a diet I'm hardly going to subject my poor innocent dog to one," Nick said, "but seriously Liam has put on quite a bit of weight. He can most definitely rock it, but like make sure you don't have any pissed off neighbours whose food he's been stealing".  
  
~  
  
Louis probably wouldn't have taken much notice of Nick calling Liam fat, would have chalked it up to Nick's incessant superiority complex manifesting in comparing their dogs, if he hadn't found Liam vomiting all over the bathroom floor a couple of days later.  
  
Louis at that point had had Liam for  three years, and he had never once been sick. So when he found he had vomited again the next morning, he decided a trip to the vet was needed. He had even already had a vet he was planning on going to, despite what Nick said, he was a perfectly competent dog owner. Niall had said Dr. Malik was fantastic with his mate's cat.  
  
"So Louis," Dr. Malik asked, " have you noticed any changes in Liam's weight recently?" Louis had potentially been distracted by his vet's cheekbones up until then, but he definitely noticed that question.  
  
"What? Why? Have I been feeding him too much? Do I have a bulimic dog? Is that why he's vomiting? Can you treat that? Does he have self esteem issues?" It was possible Louis was freaking out a tiny bit that Nick may have been right.  
  
"No, nothing like that don't worry," Dr. Malik laughed, "it's just what you're describing sounds like morning sickness so I think Liam might be pregnant".  
  
"But, he's a boy."  
  
"Nah mate, I'm sorry to say your dog most definitely doesn't have boy bits. I thought you knew and Liam was just a fuck the man name choice. Sorry?"  
  
Louis liked that his vet had a fairly unprofessional way of speaking. He didn't like that Harry had apparently knocked Liam, who was definitely a boy no matter what his bits and Dr. Malik said, up. It was complete bullshit.  
  
Dr. Malik had probably noticed Louis not so subtly fuming and having no idea what to do, because the next thing he said was "It's ok, Liam's perfectly healthy for her," Louis glared at him, "sorry his, age, it'll most likely go perfectly fine. Just take these pamphlets and bring him back in for a check up in two weeks."  
  
~  
  
Louis went straight from the vet's to Nick's flat, and stormed in without knocking. "YOUR BLOODY FUCKING DOG KNOCKED LIAM UP YOU COMPLETE SACK OF SHIT!" It was possible Louis' opinion of Nick had regressed somewhat in the time since leaving the vet and finding his door unlocked.   
  
Nick didn't drop his tea in surprise, but it was a near thing. "I was under the impression that Liam was a boy dog."  
  
"HE IS! But Harry's _still_ gone and gotten him pregnant. Randy bastard." Louis didn't like that Nick looked like he was trying very hard not to laugh. This was not a laughing matter.  
  
"Lou, I'm pretty sure if Liam's pregnant then Liam's a girl. That's how it works like."  
  
"Nope. He's a boy who happens to have bits normally associated with girl dogs. Bits changing surgery hasn't been invented for dogs yet, or he and I definitely would have looked into it."  
  
"So what you're saying is you didn't know Liam had what are normally girl dog bits until you took him to the vet today."  
  
"No Nicholas, that's not what I'm saying," god he was infuriating, always trying to undermine Louis, "of course I knew before today. I just didn't know Harry would be uncivilized enough to knock him up in front of our eyes. You really should have him trained better."  
  
"Trained out of his natural instincts. Right, I'll just get on that immediately."  
  
"Good."   
  
"I'm joking Lou, Harry can fuck who he likes, I don't care."  
  
"Well I fucking do. Liam's _pregnant_ , or did you miss that. There's going to be _puppies_. And appointments and things. You're paying half his vet bills, it's Harry's fault anyway."  
  
"Ok"  
  
Louis had honestly expected more of a protest from Nick, and so it appeared they'd reached a bit of a stalemate. Until Nick pretended to cry and said, "I'm so proud, I never thought I'd be a grandparent."  
  
Louis punched him in the arm.  
  
~  
  
Because he stayed true to his word and paid half the vet bills, Nick insisted that he come to Liam's check up. Louis wasn't entirely sure why, seeing as he didn't even bring Harry, but he was quickly regretting it based on Nick's reaction to Dr. Malik and his general everything. He wasn't sure he'd seen such blatant attraction before.  
  
"Christ, it's like he's a god." Nick wasn't even trying to be subtle, that was said in what could be considered a whisper only to toddlers. Luckily, Dr. Malik was a professional. Also, Louis thought, he was probably used to it by now.   
  
"Well anyway, Liam seems to be in good shape. It's good to know that the father," Louis glared, "sorry, the other father, hasn't had any medical issues in the past." Nick managed to look smug for a second at that, as if he was entirely in control of Harry's immune system. "Also, them being the same breed reduces complications."  
  
"That's fantastic Dr. Malik. I can't believe you're so knowledgeable." Nick was unbelievable.  
  
"Well yeah, I did go to school didn't I." Louis was very glad Dr. Malik wasn't charmed.  
  
"What was all that about then?" Louis asked after they'd left the clinic. "You were all over him there."  
  
"All over who? The vet? Who wouldn't be, did you see his cheekbones? Or his jawline for that matter. Or his eyes."  
  
"Yes Nicholas, but he's our _vet_. He's not at work to be perved on, or to accept propositions, he's doing a job." Louis wasn't entirely sure why he was so hung up on this, it wasn't like he hadn't appreciated Dr. Malik himself. It was just the principle of the thing.  
  
"Oh please it's not as if I'd actually try anything, he's far too perfect for that. It's just fun to flirt, isn't it."  
  
Louis thought about it for a second, then said "Too perfect? How can someone be too perfect?"  
  
"Well you'd never measure up would you" Nick paused, "you need someone who's at least a bit of a knob or has something wrong with their face. It gets boring and demoralizing otherwise."  
  
"What, like never shutting up and having a weirdly long face? Is that how you make it work?"   
  
Nick laughed, which was not how he was supposed to respond to Louis being mean to him. "Yeah, exactly. I know you're into it." Louis grimaced and Nick laughed again. "Just like how you do it with that awful mullet hair and being a snippy little brat. Makes it more fun, doesn't it."  
  
Louis wasn't quite sure how to respond to that, so he pretended that he was late to work, grabbed Liam's lead and definitely didn't run away.  
  
~  
  
The internet and Dr. Malik's pamphlets told Louis that dogs have on average five or six puppies per litter. The internet is a lying liar who lies. Liam had fifteen and Louis was not impressed.   
  
"FIFTEEN? Are you fucking shitting me, what the fucking fuck are we supposed to do with fifteen puppies?"  
  
"Well", Nick said, "apparently dalmatians normally have nine to thirteen, so he's really not done too many more than expected". Because of course Nick thought to Google the breed, in his ongoing quest to prove himself a better dog owner than Louis.  
  
"Of course they do. Fifteen, for fuck's sake. How did they even fit inside him? How did he not explode with puppies from the innards out? They don't even look like dalmatians, there's no spots on any of them"  
  
"No," Nick said slowly, "they start coming in in a couple of weeks. And in answer to your question about what to do with fifteen puppies, I think we should start with naming them. I like Puppy."  
  
"Puppy, Nicolas? Really? You do realize that they're not always going to be puppies. They're going to grow into regular sized dogs eventually."  
  
"Exactly, but this way they'll always have a youthful spirit," he was so full of shit, "plus it's easy to remember."  
  
"Whatever, and anyway what I meant is what are we going to do with fifteen puppies, there's no way they'll fit in either your or my flat."  
  
"Right now it looks like they're fitting in that box just fine."  
  
"Yes, because they're TINY Grimshaw, they're going to grow though, it's what dogs do. And most animals really."  
  
"So we'll ask Dr. Malik, I'm sure he knows what you're supposed to do. He seemed fairly competent." Which was actually a good suggestion, he probably did know about shelters and things, and at what age the puppies had to stop living entirely off Liam. "But," Nick added, "back to the important naming issue at hand. Puppy is a great name."  
  
Louis was not going down on this issue without a fight. "No it isn't, and the puppies in question literally came out of Liam, who's my pet. I think I should get naming rights."  
  
"Oh come on Lou, Harry played a pretty major role." Louis fixed Nick a look. Harry didn't have to grow fifteen live animals inside his uterus, push those fifteen animals out of his uterus, clean them and feed them for multiple months. This thought process was encapsulated in the look. "Well," Nick relented, "we should at least go half and half then."  
  
"There are fifteen of them. You can't go half and half with fifteen."  
  
"Fine then, seven and seven and one we agree on together." Louis thought about it for a bit, before coming up with his final terms.  
  
"Britney. Seven and seven and Britney." Nick nodded.  
  
~  
  
Which is why when Niall came over to meet Louis' grandpuppies (his words), he was introduced to Tina, Paul, Bradley, Jo, Jon, Rachel, Hannah, Puppy, Puppy Love, Puppy Power Forever, Super Puppy, Puppy the Conqueror, Professor Puppy, Poppy and Britney.  
  
Niall just stared at him for a  full minute. Then he laughed so hard he couldn't say anything for another five. Louis decided to ignore him, make a cup of tea and tickle Bradley's stomach while he was doing this (at least he was fairly sure it was Bradley, they all looked quite similar).  
  
Eventually Niall calmed down, and then he tried to look disapproving. "Really Lou," he said, "you named your half after _S Club 7_."   
  
"S Club 7 are a triumph of the music industry and anyone should consider themselves lucky to be named after them. Also, it's better than _Puppy Love_. That's not a name, that's a concept."  
  
"Professor Puppy though. That's a solid name," Niall said. Niall had no respect for the importance of hating dumb names given to your grandpuppies by their co-grandparent.  
  
"PP. His nickname will be PEEPEE." Niall laughed again cause he was a traitorous traitor and went to cuddle Poppy.  
  
Later, when Niall had gotten his fill of puppies and deigned to talk to Louis again, Louis started complaining again about the difficulty of dealing with fifteen puppies. "Oh," Niall said, looking surprised Louis had thought it was a problem, "I thought you'd just give them to Zayn."  
  
"Who the fuck is Zayn and why would I give him Liam's puppies?"  
  
Niall looked even more surprised. "Zayn mate. There's no way you've forgotten Zayn, people very rarely do. Your vet?"  
  
"Dr. Malik?"  
  
"Yeah, Dr. Malik I guess," Niall said as if Louis was the thickest person in the world, "him and his fiancé run a shelter. I thought you knew."  
  
~  
  
When Louis told this to Nick it turned out Nick didn't know Dr. Malik's first name either.   
  
"Zayn. For fuck's sake, it makes sense he'd have a pretty name too. No one who looks like that is ever called Reginald. Or Bruce"  
  
"Nicholas! For the billionth time, we aren't talking about our vet's cheekbones. They're perfectly nice cheekbones, but honestly they aren't even that much better than mine." Louis had not meant to say that. Firstly, it was a lie and secondly it made him seem kind of jealous. Which he wasn't. He had a much better bum than Dr. Malik and everyone knew that was the important thing.    
  
"Louis, I hate to break it to you but your cheekbones are no where near as stunning as his." Louis raised his eyebrows. That was just rude, Nick didn't need to rub it in. "You have some other tolerable qualities though."  
  
Louis was not one to turn down a compliment. "Such as?"  
  
"You're funny," Nick looked a little bit pained, "sometimes."  
  
"I'm funny _sometimes_? That's the best you can come up with?" Louis was a bit offended. He could come up with way better things if Nick asked him to.  
  
"You're fun to talk to, although you never shut up, and I like being around you. You're really good with Liam and Harry and you have a nice face. Well proportioned like"  
  
"You have a nice face too," Louis allowed, "not particularly well proportioned though. Your hair makes up for it though. And your legs, you're really tall. And funny. I quite like your flat too. Harry's actually a good dog, despite being clumsy"  
  
Louis was pretty glad Nick kissed him then, because it stopped his verbal vomit and it was great. Like actually really great. He hadn't had to lean up to kiss anyone in ages, and Nick's hands felt huge on his back and his mouth was just - it was just really lovely.  
  
Or at least it was until Harry stated barking up a storm, trying to chase Liam around who was still a little too tender for any of his shenanigans.   
  
They broke apart, laughing a little. "Trust my dog to be a cockblock," Nick said, "after everything I've done for him."  
  
"Who said anything about cocks? Maybe I'm not as big a slag as my dog," Louis said, "you're assuming an awful lot for a first kiss." Nick momentarily looked horrified and started protesting, before Louis burst into laughter. "I'm just fucking with you. I'm absolutely as much of a slag as Liam."  
  
Nick pinched his thigh. "Dick. You little brat."  
  
Louis burst into giggles but managed hold himself together to say "You know you like it. I'm easily enough knob for you."  
  
Nick kissed him again. Harry and Liam both started barking and woke up Puppy Love and Tina.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Title is a lyric from Kanine Krunchies, from the 101 Dalmatians movie. I'm sorry this was ridiculous and I hope you liked it.


End file.
